Friday, December 31, 2004

rraa! its been a crappy day. sure, it was ok rushing over to jen’s to send in my relief teaching application: i have a one-month assignment teaching pe in RJC!:) and i got even more excited when evergreen sec called to offer me a 6 mth job. but too bad, my heart’s with rj. hope david lee will get tt job, then i can take over fm him in april. but i am hoping even more tt he will get a job in ri or rj as well.

it was ok playing badminton with xhui wanyu qianli baoluo wning, just got v v tired. then wanyu scared the daylights out of us by cramping like hell till she cried and puked in pain. i rushed her to the clinic at 888 and she got a jab. thank gdness she’s alright now. spent a damn long time in the clinic, but i luckily i had a book. started on the philosophy/buddhism book, intent on fulfilling the promise i made to enrich myself this hols. anw, i have decided to ban myself fm novels and other crapy books till i have grasped a bit more abt religion/psychology/philosophy. im hooked on kurt vonnergurt though, he's funny/weird.

hell. no new year eve plans. well, sort of. i shld go to justin’s place tonight.


happy new year. may we also usher in good luck and comfort to all.

wish u were here:(

Thursday, December 30, 2004

the 24 hour adventure jamboree with odac was brilliant. had lotsa fun after all (i must admit tt i was initially grumpy:p) got to night-bike, trek for a damn long time in the dark in macR ie: step into muddy puddles and almost trip on many occasions while sleep walking, freeze to near-death at the rest point in macR but be rejuvenated with hot milo fm mess tins, run ard toa payoh central, kayak like hell, scale an easypeasy;) rock wall in geylang, fall asleep on the longlong journey to sentosa and sprint ard sentosa like madmen, and finally end the day with the craziest war games. rjc team 2 won. and tt’s my team:)

funny how we went in saying tt we only aimed to finish the race, and not come in last, and how many of us had fears tt we wld end up miserable and killing each other. turned out tt al of us were psyched up, and didn’t get too tired out by the activities. “it isn’t a race.”-god knows how many times we heard this weird msg. but i guess we managed to have more fun cos travelling btwn stations were leisurely, and we got to catch some naps and prattle when we cld summon enough energy to keep our eyelids fm drooping. it really wasnt Tiring as much as it was Sleepy-ing. but wah lao. i HATE the slopes on fort canning, and sentosa, though those werent so bad. and i HATE running with a bag. so unglam;)

the five of us were lucky to have with us two v fit and v nice coucillors: pangwei and desmond (francis). desmond was the loud one, full of nonsense, but pangwei did open up and war games was all the more fun;)

gotta chiong cornell apps today. ahh! the deadline the dealine! but hey, meeting sunny and hazwani in a while to drop by goodwood park, as EX-employees. woosh. and hopefully do smth exciting with mag later. love tt girl! who wldnt.

happy day!

Monday, December 27, 2004

yeah. the tsunamis are so depressing. watched cnn with dad and mom till late last night, woke up to more horrific figures. maybe i wld prefer the depressing problems of over-population. i am thankful tt chunying and family are back fm langkawi. i am thankful tt shiming and gang are too. and nikhil as well. and i am so glad ili isnt in maldives, i hope she is alright in jakarta. call me asap, girl. i worry abt keatloon who is back home in penang. anyone with news, pls tell me. and of course the many others who are in those torn zones, i just feel so Bad:( its kinda weird, and maybe wrong? how life and celebrations go on in sheltered places like spore. but what can we do? i applaud ivan m for his fund raising efforts. wld love to help.

prayed for safety and consolation for the families in the disaster areas, even though i never learnt how to pray, whether in chinese/buddhist temples or indian/hindu temples in church. ehat happened to 'Joy to the World'?!

lunched with nikhil at my secret garden today. talked much, laughed some, ate tons. slowly and happily. listened to his tales of childhood in the boarding school (catching spinning leaves in autumn!), and in tt village of his where bullock carts are still abt the only mode of long dist transport. wow right. couldnt help but feel how terribly mundane my life has been.

then we visited the chinese temple, and the indian temple just across the street. nikhil told me stories abt the indian gods, and later on, abt the origins of judaism, etc. impressed!:D quote of the day: 'when pple see an chinese and an indian in a temple, they think tt they are going to get married.' hoho.

we took the viking! the one tt hk and i wanted to take tt night. and i was petrified, i admit. and so was nikhil gautaum (the surname of Buddha himself!) he shrieked One time:)

sent the obk pple off last night. for a few moments, i caught myself wishing v hard tt i was in tt toilet-cleaner blue shirt as well. but hey, i Will make the most out of my time here in sunny spore! and smhow have a lovely new year's eve now tt xmas eve was pathetic. i wish the obk pple the most memorable and challenging trip. i wish i could experience yet another obs with dearest Sya! i know tt it will be kinda impactful on everyone's life, and its usu for the better. good for them!:)

sya. sya:) she's so damn cute. hope she's got more Legends to share with me when she gets back!;)

Sunday, December 26, 2004

i am still so v happy, though still so v tired. (twelve hours aft the last post; i cant seem to change the time shown.) went swimming just now, hoping in vain to burn off sm of the gd xmas dinners and cookies/tarts/cakes: oli's aunt's tarts are the bestest ever! they beat mom's and auntie's hands down!

i wonder how sunny is now. she was a brave girl, waitressing on her own yest cos sya was sick, and i Refused to go back, not with my knee hurting bad (though i still swam;p and intend to bike some later, must make full use of michael's bike!) and she was already apprehensive abt working alone.

mm. v happy tt ive had nice conversations w pple tt matter to me this xmas season though i might not see them or usually see them. ah-hah. i dont believe tt little lynn want's tuition today. but why not, maybe she will bring a log cake fm her mom's cafe;)

spent the last hour of xmas eve a bit miserable and running to the kitchen/toilet every 15 min to rest my poor aching feet and skive. the kitchen clock struck twelve, but the only guy i could scream Merry Xmas! at was Ganges. sunny amir sya ili had to be greeted quite quietly. but it was truly an interesting experience to have worked THIRTEEN hours till 1 am on xmas day, however unromantic and miserable it felt, most of the time. was so damn glad to see the rest when they came by at 5 pm i tell u. and of course it was also sweet of lulu to drop in! and david called! 'all the way fm canada' and left a short voice msg hoho. thanks tons to the many who brightened up my night with msges tt i checked so often on my frequent illegal toilet breaks. xmas was q q lovely aft all.

slept for 3 hours at sunny's on xmas, then came home and had lunch with the family at a pretty bistro in middle road. its so quiet and.. pretty. and there is a wooden swing!! dunno why, but i suddenly thought tt nikhil would like tt place.

then it was a sad and lonely walk thru town to find presents. had Big plans tobuy many many things, but WTH, the crowd was crazy, and there wasnt anyth nice, and my knees hurt. so i bought (eh, cute ok) pcards and went over the laulau's to help prepare dinner! hoho, jamie and her attachee, and peiyan (so pretty!) and i made the dessert, which was easy to make, but tasted gd and sinful although it was actually healthy. kai's and laulau's soup was a hit.

funny how my train rides have been eventful, meeting old friends and talking endlessly till we reach our far-away destinations. met benkwan on the way to lau's, and it was great how we had so much to say although i was dying to just sit down and catch a power nap. then of course the train ride home later tt night was filled with laughs and exclamations:)

ivan m dropped in so tt our Love Club could have an xmas reunion:D and we solemnly promised 'to near death' tt our Love Club Outing will take off!

happy. xmas is such a fantabulous time, to spend with friends, and the family. v happy:D

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

woohoo. blistering. aching. but hey, i survived the first day of work. in a hotel! ok, kinda cheated on my aim to land myself a proper hotel job, but i guess ive gotta start smwhere. so for the next couple of days, inc xmas eve and xmas day:( i will be setting tables and clearing 5 million plates. i really want to work in the lespresso cafe, where i will get to learn all the names of alcoholic drinks! the coffee lounge job is really q mundane, this coming fm a waitress who has only worked 6 hours there.

the other waiters are damn friendly though, this indo guy whose name i still havent committed to memory (it sounds like 'suharto' so i keep forgetting his real name) and of course, there is Guna the clown who pinched sm spring rolls and offered me one. and joshua the msian hockey player who can sing! hmm. funny how i already Know tt these pple will fade fm my memory in no time aft i leave goodwood park, and how they will forget Lyn (with the messy hair). but still, they are gd company.

the resemblance between nelson and simon are uncannily eerie. pale, eye-bagged skinny smokers with a penchant for saying a particular singlish word which i just cant recall at the moment. amir will know what i mean if he ever meets simon too. and eek. the internal organization of this hotel gets on my nerves, as well. hell. it took me more than half an hour to get my uniform. the shrieking aunties in the linen room ought to learn abt tt sense of urgency tt is required! but its all v nice to see the staff working together 'like a family' -sister nora.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

men in uniform. (not just jennie quah.) almost got myself killed crossing a road again. smth's got into me the past few days: i have stepped onto the road the moment the light changes from green TO red twice. and then i today stepped onto the road After a huge army truck rumbled into view. but today's encounter was funny. i realised before i was rolled over by the huge tyres tt i shld siam out of the way. and i did, but in an unglamorous manner. then the guy next to the army boy driver made loud gurgling noises, and on fianlly reaching the other side of the road safely, i turned back to see an impish face sticking out of the window. i laughed. and have been feeing jovial since.

oh! and also happy cos i met up with okaasan today. had lunch, and did grocery shopping with her. weird, since i dun even shop with mom.

it's tangyuan jie today. i still dunno what the actual name of this festival is. so hurry! run out for a supper of tangyuans:)


woke up feeling spent. in my dream, i played this game of canoe-hockey, where the paddles were replaced by hockey sticks, but smhow the kayaks could still move q quickly, dun ask me why. i distinctly remember tt siva was on my team and of course he was the star of the game; the other hockey boys had a hockey game smwhere else.

the weird thing was smbody had died, so all of us had to rush to the funeral tt was just a stone’s throw from the river where we played canoe-hockey. (the boundaries of the playing area was demarcated by v heavy logs) keatloon was in front of me as we rushed to the crematorium or smth. before the canoe-hockey team left the place to go to the house where the dead man used to live in, mo came. he had come to see me play canoe-hockey just before he left. it was all v drama-mama, then suddenly mo had to go check-in, but only after sending me to the house in the chartered bus, so kteristic of him! and we sat in the speckled green seats directly behind the 2nd door of tt trans island bus.

then a short while aft mo left, i suddenly realized tt i wanted to go to the airport badly. and five 412 girls bundled ourselves into a large cab which had 2 passenger seats in front. xizhen sat nxt to me:) at the airport, there was tt drama of yesteryears, but this time it was surprising tt there weren’t any of the guys there. then mo left as the speakers blared out the last calls for somboonvechakarn.

it was a funny dream, where both relevant and irrelevant events/pple/emotions make up 50-50 of it. the most impt thing i have come to realize is these few days is tt, aft almost 2 yrs, i have finally let go. :).

Monday, December 20, 2004

the only photo i have with mo this trip. only now do i realise how sleepy he looked.

ha!-low! merry xmas.

had a nice time at renji's place, teeming with people full of gd cheer. and tons of kids. oh boy. dragged myself home half dead, but still alive enough to come here to announce tt nuc medfac choir rocks. esp the duo who sang 'last xmas, i gave u my heart..' in all seriousness, having a choir for xmas does spice things up and more imptly, it makes everyone gather in the hall, and hum along, so everyone feels good and nice. and of course, the family must have sm attractive cute kid who can belt out the funniest rudolph carol.

Friday, December 17, 2004

what a lovely day. mo is here. tt pretty much sums up my day. even though justin stood me up early in the morning, and i was feeling a lil out of sorts so i had to rush to the pool for a short swim to psyche up, and then rush in a cab to the airport so i hafta cut down on one xmas present. what matters is tt mo arrived in spore this morning.

it was great, laughing lots and catching up with tt bunch of guys; thaim hoew (i am v happy for him and max:) was the only one who stayed the whole day with me, and more guys just kept coming:) they are all so damn funny. those guys are so brotherly, its amazing, and touching. roger's included in tt bunch. and boy, roger has got to be the nicest person to hug.

it was good to see mo again. he's still more or less the same. i still dunno what he is thinking smtimes. i only hope for him to be truly happy and enjoy himself these short 3 days. he’s got a flu:(! get well soon.

funny how we did just the most mundane everyday things: 5 of us had lunch at muthu's (where mo shat 'fire') courtesy of roger, went to buy roger’s winter wear, then mo accompanied me to the shang walk-in interview but hey! they didn't want A level students:( but of course while i bitched abt it, mo didn't complain. then it was just walking ard and sitting at coffee places, and bumping into lovely 412 girls:) then it was dinner and grocery shopping. shucks i'm just rambling on abt the most mundane things. but hey, mo’s back. i will cry if it's just been a long dream.

enough abt mo. hoho:( it's another long day of kayaking, then 3F's party at sunny's! anticipation:D but tt hollowed out feeling will keep me awake longer than usu tonight..

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

woo. still zonked despite having caught up on sm sleep last night. 'fatigued' is the word i think. played in the interschs flrball tournament yest, started cramping up right fm the first game. of course the games were tiring, and of course i felt like dying. but it was so damn fun! got extremely psyched up each time the guys played also. they were so brilliant! i got v tired watching jau chiong so much. was v happy (and hyan wld be too) when he scored! wish my buddy cld play too. he Will be alright!

discovered tt dad loves popcorn, hoho. we ate through two erm cartons? of tt during p.o.t.o, which was q q good. christine's voice is extremely good!

mo is coming this friday! but my days are so packed (rraa. stupid kayaking) its kinda crazy trying to squeeze time for everyth. it will be weird, as usu, meeting mo. but nvm, i am still happy:D

ive got a bike ive got a bike. ok, its only till 31st dec, but still, ive got a bike. fm mike. hoho. got blasted last night by dad abt always going to extremes (not true!), doing stupid things. guess he wld much rather i just stick to jogging in circles, where the worst thing tt can happen to me is having a bird circling up there poo on me.

going down to hyatt tonight with amir and ili to check out what 'banquet trng' is abt. excited:)

Saturday, December 11, 2004

what a lovely chiong day:) floorball in the morning against nus left me terribly winded. and terribly lembek(how to spell?) legs. but the LT2.5 sessions and canteen-floorball made me feel more confident. thank you renji, john, siva, chethan. and of course i felt pro using the $200++ stick.

then chionged down to kayak at paddle culture with hazwani. fun. even though i am really not a seasports person. junbin was our instructor, together with mag. they are such nice pple! junbin has a nice dimple, and mag has the sweetest smile. had lotsa laughs with hazwani throughout the capsize drills. but i am hoping tt the nxt two sessions will be more fun!

dinner was damn fun. we were SO HUNGRY. we were damn psyched up abt sprinting fm suntec to (ok, thru city link, to the mrt station) bugis to have yummilicious fish and chips. but ended up in kfc at suntec cos the mrt station was simply waay too far away. yum yum in any case.

dying of laughter at this moment with crazy qianli and his *whispher*s. oh ho. and i must record jieming's laughter. it 'never fails to crack [me] up'. laughed lots AT him yest.

yay. watching phantom of the opera (the movie. weird right.) with dad on monday night!:) so sad tt mom refused to let me watch the hindi movie with nikhil last night. she is getting too paranoid abt indian bfs/gfs. hoho.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

eek. cant imagine tt ms neo was so confident abt handing zach to us. i will NOT let laughing girls hold my kids, unless over a sofa;) today was a sleepy day. all the 412 girls were sleepy. except maybe sunny and em. who went to unpack in sunny's new house. i think i wld like a spanking new house too. ms neo's house was fresh and pretty. in any case, i am 3/4 to working in the sports sch. but its all paperwork:( but the school is so pretty. TWO pools! and the gym in which jingwen and co trained.

zach. we (ok, mostly it was just me) groaned and shrieked as ms neo recounted her giving-birth experience. ow! i am NOT going to have kids! however much i love them, and however much i think good genes shld be propagated;)

Monday, December 06, 2004

prom was fun. smiled into more than 100 cameras, (2 times over) it became taxing after midnight. but enjoyed myself thoroughly, creating momentoes of sm pple tt i might never meet again. (choy.) everybody looked so WONDERFUL. and the guys were especially generous with nice comments, i was v happy;) the dress was a surprising success, and the best was tt it's comfy:D thx to bean and sang who did the makeup, and weili who did the hair, despite the bratty protests over how neat i shld look. (mag looked terrific in the outfit ivan:D'/belle picked out!)

had a boring night after prom though. while most pple went off to chiong, and got into exciting accidents or just exciting/romantic activities, i fell asleep. and woke up to tianjiao nxt to me. hoho. then had a huge breakfast and made my morning call at swissotel.

i already miss RJC. there are a lot of pple who have impacted my lives and made me a better person. thank you RJC. currently, off the top of my head, i have RJC HOCKEY - u guys ROCK big time, 3F, XCOUNTRY, alfie, mr ho, pple whom ive studied with or merely had LOTSA fun with: renji, amogh, azi, sunny ETC ETC ETC to thank. since nikhil has just msged me, like i smhow expected him to;), NIKHIL GAUTAUM-u are always so unexpectedly wow.

congrats to pam-chan:) and keatloon, our prom queen and king who truly deserve their titles! kudos to keatloon for his guts and gallantry. and brilliant taste. 412 girls are smth aren't we?;)

Sunday, December 05, 2004

sm 412 girls: sya, mag, me, kai, hazwani (tweet), val!

mag me promking lau2 kai. woo.

renji and me!

uh-oh. dad's pissed. cos i've been 'out every single day, starting fm even before exams ended.' explains why i'm still at home and not in marina mandarin with bean and company or exclaiming abt yun's big hair. yay. got everyth inc shoes ready, thx to olive who picked out the woah-heels for me, and ge who sponsored TWO pairs of new shoes last night:)

yay. had a gd run at spore marathon. managed to catch weehian on his full marathon, he was going strong! was extremely inspired to run my 10km well, because SO many other pple were running too, and sm running SO much more than me. ran past this guy with a prosthetic leg, wow!

it was dumb though, to have started with the sub 2.5 hours pple when we managed to go slightly under 1 hour. ran with lu most of it, winding thru all the slick bodies. but tummy ache got me chionging to the end, to find no toilet. v remind-ful of obs.

time to wake dad to send me down. tonight will be fun:)

met up with fau-ziah yest. talked much, laughed much, love her! she’s lost weight:( she bought her prom dress:) and she’ll look so good on wed! perhaps even nicer than when she’s in her buju k.

met buddy, jianhong and ivan m before tt. :)

Friday, December 03, 2004

adam's song- blink 182

i never thought i'd die alone
i laughed the loudest who'd have known
i traced the cord back to the wall
no wonder it was never plugged in at all
i took my time, i hurried up
the choice was mine, i didn't think enough
i'm too depressed, to go on
you'll be sorry when i'm gone

i never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when i still felt alive
we couldn't wait to get outside
the world was wide, too late to try
the tour was over we'd survived
i couldn't wait till i got home
to pass the time in my room alone

i never thought i'd die alone
another six months i'll be unknown
give all my things to all my friends
you'll never set foot in my room again
you'll close it off, board it up
remember the time that i spilled the cup
of apple juice in the hall
please tell mom this is not her fault

i never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
days when i still felt alive
we couldn't wait to get outside
the world was wide, too late to try
the tour was over we'd survived
i couldn't wait till i got home
to pass the time in my room alone

i never conquered, rarely came
tomorrow holds such better days
days when i can still feel alive
when I can't wait to get outside
the world is wide, the time goes by
the tour is over, i'd survived
i can't wait till i get home
to pass the time in my room alone

boo. today was a busy day, dashing across the island fm woodlands to sentosa, to 6th avenue, to town, and then back to my humble abode. yet it has been oddly relaxing..

i enjoyed myself v much at lianne's (i see her in v different light. thanks, lianne.) place. the crossers make me feel so welcome. talked much, heard more, and laughed even harder. the kters in the team are so diverse, yet cohesive. huien noted how we all came from different sec schs and bckgrds:) the silences we lasped into after each bout of loud laughter did not feel uncomfortable, and manda ineveitably had smth interesting to share suddenly;) the x juniors are sweet. i never did spend much time with them, but still they put effort into my present!

finally got a ride in manda's car. she is damn cool. hoho. and mr quek got me contacts to be a runner for the spore sports sch. haha. dun be shocked like weehian (the marathoner!) was. it's not 'runner' in tt x country sense lar. more like errand-girl to the team manager. well will see what the job entails. 'sports sch.' sounds woo eh. then maybe i will also moonlight as a waitress. meantime, i will continue hitting at the various hotels. ahh.

sad tt i didnt get to help nikhil pick out a shirt for prom. guilt pangs for leaving mom to have dinner alone the past week spurred me to leave town just as the boys reached. but mom had eaten dinner by the time i got back:( but i will see stunning bollywood nikki on sunday! hope siva goes too.

wow. touched. jen just msged me in the middle of her prom, cos a pool song reminded her of me:) and possibly other bronzed hunks. but still, she thought of me! and its funny, cos i heard the 'superstar' song in manda's car and laughed out loud and then i msged her.

it's funny, how impt it is to keep in contact, and let a person know tt u are thinking of him/her. thankfully, most times, i find out tt he/she is also thinking abt me, and we both :). dun u ever feel the urge to get ur msg across as soon as possible? it's a feeling like u will just burst if u cannot find the means to communicate. tt is why i treasure the hp so much. (hoho.) because it only makes communicating so much easier and faster.

little short msges convey more than just those few words, if it is a friend tt u have shared more than mere hi-byes with. it screams out: 'hey, i miss u. it's sad tt we cannot find time for each other now, but i havent forgetten the times we spent together, and i will jump at the next chance to catch with u. because u matter to me.' it is the same thing with a cheery HELLO! HOW ARE U. followed by a short prattling when u meet an old friend along the street. its makes my day to meet smone who looks truly happy to see me, most unexpectedly. and hey, if smone doesnt mean much to me, just a small wave and a smile fm the both of us is courtesy, and tt smile might just also get either me or tt person out of a grumpy state for a moment.

i suddenly learn tt friendships to other pple might not be as sacred as it is to me. and tt scares me. i hate to think tt all the friendly HELLO. ITS GOOD TO SEE U.s were not sincere. because they did make me :) so hard then.

but u know what. i have decided, aft a long while, tt i will stay positive. and believe tt my friends, not just the ultra close ones, are sincere, and we all only wish for each other have good feelings.

i feel Gross tt i make sm pple sad. it sucks, esp because they are so damn nice. and it sucks even more tt more tt they are still so damn nice, and will cont to be so damn nice. i am sorry. i was so sad i boohooed and cldnt sleep. i know now how it is to differentiate compassion fm passion. (cf kundera's book tt i'm reading now) and i am still seeking tt *woo feeling i guess. i wonder if it actually exists or i am just an idiot.

a lot of random thoughts. i think i am just feeling lousy again tonight. wrong eh. hoof. will psyche up, catch the zoetay show with mom and wait patiently for ge to book out and come home (aft supp with oli.) i want to talk to him badly! and of course, i am also hoping tt he will sponsor a pair of shoes;)

Thursday, December 02, 2004

:D happy.

if i ever get a dog (once i am convinced tt the tiniest dog will not sink its teeth into me, like a dog once did, guess where! -i have the photo of it;) i will call it BOO. not karenina.

me and u and a dog named boo - lobo

i remember to this day
the bright red Georgia clay
and how it stuck to the tires
after the summer rain
will power made that old car go
a woman's mind told me that so
oh how i wish
we were back on the road again

me and you and a dog named boo
travellin' and livin' off the land
me and you and a dog named boo
how i love being a free man

i can still recall
the wheat fields of St. Paul
and the morning we got caught
robbing from an old hen
old McDonald he made us work
but then he paid us for what it was worth
another tank of gas
and back on the road again

i'll never forget the day
we motored stately into big L.A.
the lights of the city put settlin'
down in my brain
though it's only been a month or so
that old car's buggin' us to go
we've gotta get away and get back on
the road again

immensely IRATE.

trying to do online apps. but the BLOODY COMPUTER is FAILING me. so frust!! i want a new comp NOW. but its such a bloody hassle to go out and get one. yes i know tt its MY own fault for being so lazy. but u dun understand how much i dread having anyth to do with computers besides email and this.

EMAIL. i am sorry david. sorry kailun. i cant mail. its so pissifying to know tt u have mailed, but i just cannot OPEN it to READ it and REPLY although i am dying to. i hope u all know tt i have a lot to say; i am not being unfriendly! at least i see david online smtimes. i wonder how klun is!! will hide in dad's office next wed to do all the comp stuff. i still havent been to his new office.

the past two days have been q a waste of time, come to think abt it. a lot of time spent on shopping. so what if i have more clothes now. i am not a better person. i have only managed to finish one book, most of which has run out of my head. maugham's 'the magician'. and maybe it is a dark book tt's why i am :( i saw so many buskers today. emptied what was left in my wallet. i wonder how i will survive the day out tmr. but i will not ask for money. i clearly didnt know my limits the past week, so i will pay (hoho.) for sm of my reckless actions.

ice skated with hongking in orchard! last night. aft a very ugly incident with a friend i care for dearly. the skating summoned all my concentration, so i felt v good aft tt. its damn fun, i will go again! it's only a small area of 200 sq feet, but hey it's still fun. and the money goes to charity the MAD movement is acting for. it isnt real ice, just a type of plastic tt pro skaters practice on at home. it feels almost like the real thing. just tt its damn hot considering the lack of ICE. but. skating to xmas jingles, what else gets u in a more christmassy mood! had a lot of laughs with hk. am thankful tt he came down to meet me.

today was a long day. ok. tt's why i'm so grouchy now. i went to goodwood park, bubbling over with excitement, for a 'walk-in interview' to be a guest relations assistant. but sm cok there insisted tt they were only looking for pple who cld committ YEARS, 8 mths wasnt enough. so i can only be a waitress. why bother to waitress in a hotel then.. i WANT TO WORK IN A HOTEL. went on to try my luck in hyatt. climbed up the long winding, drabby stairs to the human resource dept, to peng4 a very sharp ding1zi. but one of the guys there was nice enough to tell me to report smtime next week to help out at a banquet. i think i will go for it. needa think of a story for mom and dad then.

then i went to check out the taka Recruit center tt everyone's telling me abt. so sad. they dun do hotel jobs. they fixed me up with an interview at Starhub Call Center though. $9 per hr. not a bad deal. and interesting in tt u've gotta work shifts including nights and weekends. but thought abt it, aft calling mom and dad, and it isnt the first time, but i came to a conclusion while talking to dad, who is always so composed:) and decided tt answering pple's questions on the phone is Not my job. i want to Meet pple.

so wish me luck when i next pluck up the stamina to approach more hotels. kind icky, though most of them are friendly enough. i just feel.. desperate. i know now a little the despair tt the unemployed feel.

walked up and down orchard road working off the :( feelings. hoho i sound psychotic. walked into the tiny istana park again. its a terrible place to go. i am always :( there. again, i cant deicide the order of events/emotions.

but! met a couple of pple along the road tt i dun know too well, so the small talk we made made me a little :)-er. i still believe tt saying hello! with a smile (and meaning it) to pple is impt. it is NOT an act of superficiality. will elaborate on this theory next time.

:'( hai. am in such a rut. tmr in sentosa and lianne's house will be fun/relaxing. looking forward to good games of frisbee. i promise not to knock out anyone's teeth this time:) and boy! there will be quality new zealand natural smoothies! (the one i had fm far east today was baaad. in more ways than one. but! their icecreams go for 1/2 price at noon. so sweet jen gave me (or did i bully her into it;)? a honey scoop tt made me :)