Monday, May 31, 2004


it's q ridiculous how two pple can feel exactly the same thing as each other, yet assume tt the other person feels otherwise. my punchbag is right, it prolly all boils down to a matter of pride. but now tt tt doesnt matter anymore, i am v :) and relieved to have apologised. i just hope there wont be a repeat of this incident. hmm has it been my fault?

woo. the 5 star chicken rice stall opp beauty world is not bad. nothing special [except the tofu!!] but we enjoyed it.

oh did i mention tt i felt v weird through reading empire of the sun but i cannot place a finger on it? it all seems so surreal.. it's my umpteenth war novel, but this time i found it really hard to relate to the suffering. it was the matter-of-fact way jim saw things.. and how he didnt want the war to end tt gave me sort of the creeps. i dun understand. how the hell can anyone live with seeing corpses all ard him for three years? and arrgh a lot of things tt i dun undetstand.

am reading 'undercurrents' now. it's so scary. how the author seems to be describing mom when she talks abt her own experience. she sounds so sane and calm, yet the pple ard her know she is crashing. and she knows she is crashing too. how does the human mind work.

rraa. im v v puzzled.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

yest was really fun. actually it only started being fun aft the psc pae. it was a waste of time.

i had a good talk with my punchbag. i thank him for all the effort he has put in to help save a friendship. i am v sad tt things turned out this way.

so anw. i had my mee pok da with part of the as club and a lot of familiar faces in ghim moh before hitting town with xhui, siew and eve. had damn a lot a lot of fun. pampered ourselves with icecream milkshake and pretzels before ‘the day aft tmr’. but boy, the movie was still immensely painful. Inertia had set in by the time we reached ps i guess, and we decided to to go ahead with the first row seats. big mistake. we ended up sprawled on the floor we suffered stiff necks, aching backs and were frozen to the bone marrow. no insulation in front of us [and no newspapers or books to stuff into our shirts], i had my flimsy track vest and xhui's body warmth for comfort. didnt help matters tt the kters in the movie were freezing/frozen too. in any case, the movie isnt fantastic, so forget it.

talking abt movies! ahh i want to watch tim burton's 'nightmare before xmas' so bad. dragged siew and xhui ard to find figurines/ keychains etc related to the cartoon kters [so damn cute] but was disappted. even more disappted when ge roamed town with me till ten plus? last night looking for the dvd/vcd. borders and hmv didnt have it. :( v sad. frankly, i dunno why i'm so crazy over smth tt i havent even seen before. but i know i will like it. heh. how?! i wanna watch it so bad:(

obsession Posted by Hello
had a v good time with ge last time. even though all we did was walk. i think i embarrassed him with my hyperactivity. in my uniform. haha. but he's my brother aft all!

yay planning a beach outing!;p this period of taking the bus/walking to sch together with xhui has been the closest we've been yet. yay. she is damn fun to be with. and of course the rest of as rocks just as much. they make me laugh lots.

well it's off to the expo or smwhere for food fest!
i forgot i have tut with lyn. damn.

Friday, May 28, 2004

yup. we got the silver instead of the gold we hungered for. when the last whistle went, my face suddenly tingled. the closest i've felt like tt was at soul kitchen, but tt cant match up to tt feeling on thursday. but i didnt cry. i didnt feel like crying. i was v disppted with my teammates who did, right in front of the vjc team whom they called cocky. tt'll will only make them more 'cocky' no? but i understand the anguish felt. and of course, deep down i mourn the unfufiled desire. but yeah. the ball is round. the winner of every game wins because there is a team tt dares to lose. with dignity. i was v proud of zhimin. i thot tt she wld be the first to cry, esp aft the mother runs of her life. but she held her head high. and she told me it was because she had no regrets. i have no regrets either. sir fielded me for the finals and set tasks each time i stepped in. and i tried to accomplish them. and i must say i never thought i could get thru tt many pple swooping in on me in one run down the sidelines. it felt damn good to see the ball going where i wanted it to go. and i knew where i wanted it to go. just too bad the ball ran out of steam before i did. and i got woman of the match aft all these games. when sir stepped towards me and handed me tt iron-on, the feeling was just wow i tell u.

i thank all my friends who went down. even though i didnt hear anybody, i felt all their love! haha. fauziah and xizhen and mag actually went down!! my god. fauziah DOD. tt poor girl is sick today. i hope she gets well soon. so tt i can get her to make more mat friends. hoho. yeah lotsa pple have been so concerned thruout the entire season, and i am deeply touched! sunny! rocks. jennie! my classmates now. and 412. and of course pearlyn and lulu. and renji, aziah, wenjian (for all the trouble taping!), huishan, and the list lar.

oh oh. i was mumbling [almost to myself] tt day at the hockey board why sir emphasized so much abt playing for ourselves, no one else. nikhil and ashraf were quick to agree with sir. and i really understand why now. it is true tt ultimately, we play not for the sch, not for our families, not for our friends, but solely for our team and ourselves. nikhil said: all tt trng.. u train for urself..

i hope the boys played a lil harder because of us though. am damn happy for them. one word to describe their play: beautiful. fuzz and sunny were frank enough to tell me tt the girls game was terribly boring. but of course the guys made their visit worthwhile!

arrgh lotsalotsa thoughts but its all jumbled up now.
will clear it later.

abt today! the last day of term!
was damn high. possibly overflowing fm last night. but yeah! i didnt absorb a single word of anyth academic today. but had a lot of excitement playing floorball. woo. and of course it helped boost my morale tt i got a v decent bio grade. and alfie gave us swissrolls yum! so sweet of him! and he canclled practical! and there wasnt physics. and gp was spent playing taboo. and math ended much faster than i expected. and we took many many photos. of course the day had to end with xiaohui squirting water down my front. oh i am v happy for eve! haha.

then it was a v stoned [but lovely] time at ghim moh. then i went for a swim. [i am how unfit. ms poon told me tt we looked unfit on the pitch yest:s] then to holland v. it began to rain, so i seeked refuge in nydc and wth yes, i carboloaded again. and again when i went to the provence for one of the best breads in spore.

it's family day today. funky right. i heard this man on the train telling smone abt it. so what, it's a civil service thing or what. it's a brilliant idea. just tt the train was so terribly packed at 6.

yuk. psc psycho test tmr. THREE/FOUR hours. crazy!

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

This Is Your Game

this is ur game... i hope u win
i hope u win for ur sake, not mine
because winning is nice
it's a good feeling, like the whole world is urs
but it passes, this feeling.
and what lasts is what ur have learned
and what u learn abt is life
that's what HOCKEY is all abt... life.
the whole thing is played out in an aftnn
the happiness of life, the miseries, the joys, the heartbreaks.
there's no telling how u will do.
u might be a hero or u might be absolutely nothing
there just is no telling
too much depends on chances
on how the ball bounces.
i'm not talking abt the game, i'm talking abt life
but life is what the game's abt just as i said
because every game is life, and life is a game - a serious one
dead serious
but tt is what u do with serious things - u do ur best
u take what comes
u take what comes and u run with it
winning is fun sure, but winning is not the point
wanting to win is the point
not giving up is the point
never letting up the point
never letting anyone down is the point
play to win sure, but lose like a champion
because it's not winning tt counts
what counts is trying

author: the man who has taught me more abt life than he probably thinks he did.

last pitch trng was on monday. at the end of trng, sir gave us yet another inspirational talk. sir told us tt he was proud of us. i am proud to be in raffles hockey. we stood in the middle of the beautiful ntu pitch in the darkness. we took in the presence [and smells] of the whole team. and sang our sch song. the song ended too quickly. the season is ending too quickly.

last team talk with the boys just now. sir was inspiring again. we watched video clips of various sports. including what we started out with: the team usa vs ussr ice hockey video abt miracles. it was as touching as ever. but was what more stirring was sir's little speech at the end of it. tt was the last time we will sit in the itrr with all of this team there. the same way team usa never got together completely, the raffles team will never be as together as we will be tmr. it is the final day. it is the finals day. and god i want us to win. i want tmr to go down in history. i know it will go down deep in my heart. and whenever i am feeling low, i will dig it up and relish the good times i have shared with my team mates. my team mates who are the only ones to ever wholly understand how i feel to be in our hockey team.

tmr will end in a blaze of glory. this year of trng will end in a blaze of glory. or maybe it will never really end.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

bah. just cried myself silly again watching my best friend’s wedding. silly is the right word. i’m becoming such a sod! but wow. emotions are so hard to grasp. songs just seem to make them even more elusive. when frank sinatra’s ‘the way u look tonight’ played, i felt so miserable! yet warm and fuzzy smhow. crazy lar.

slept and ate my sunday away!! i was spozed to catch up on my tuts! but nooo. tried telling lynn a little abt greek mythology, aft being inspired by troy. but didn’t get much across. can u imagine! she learnt practically nuts abt greek mythology in pri sch! i remember the ‘concept unit’ we had for english back then. i am grateful for the good teachers and teaching resources i had back then. if not for mdm nazimah/ cleochan/ MAT, i might still be unable to pronounce ‘humiliation’ properly.

but oh dear. ge is terribly disgusted with my lack of general knowledge. i must admit tt i am so terribly ignorant!! i guess i need to read a lot more, abt a lot more, in order to feel and sound slightly more intellectual. am reading 'empire of the sun' again. i remember watching it at my first nacli camp with the SLs. i had a whale of a time then! i know tt was when i made friends with teohpeiying:) we had another sch with us.. sm neightbourhood sch, and it was damn fun. i love the activity where we had to get all of us onto the little platform in the middle of tt pond.

just got carol's msg abt pitch trng tmr. it might be my last. my last saturday trng is already over. i will cherish pitch time tmr! and woah damn psyched. ohohoh. v cute. fahyik said on his blog the night before the semis tt 'the day [he] scores will be the day aft he dies'. well he's sick now. but i know he'll be up and raring to go tmr! i hope he will be happy in sch.

well i hope tonight will be a slack night at ttsh for ge! he needs the rest man. though he had better hit the gym a lil more often!;p

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.

Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

had the loveliest saturday in a long time. had trng this morn but we got to play games fm 9 to 12 plus! damn fun. started out with 'speed ball', which is a combi of bball, rugby and soccer. the girls were bad but with some tactical tips and help fm sir, and imported rugby players [jow and ywee ern] we managed to hold the guys to a pretty decent score. then we played lacrosse!! it's so so so fun!! it was even more fun playing in the indoor gym. its so fun being w everyone else. i love the way the rest of us sit on the steps and cheer and hoot and whatnot. and the game is how exciting!! more fun than floorball. maybe the novelty will waer off aft smtime, but for now, i just wish tt i cld play it everyday! v good idea of sir's to play sm other games.. i am all the more psyched for our finals!!

guess what guess what. i scored. at last. yeah. in the semis againt njc. pau fed me a lovely ball i smacked into the near post. but my buddy didnt see it!:( tt poor guy missed out on the fun today cos he's sick. i hope he gets well soon and show his magic again on thurs!! anw. yes both the guys and girls are in the finals!!! girls playing at 3pm. guys at 4.30pm. my classmates say tt they will come.. i wld like to have them understand the game.. i find it kinda sad tt i cant really share my excitement abt the game/trngs smtimes. but of course, i dun really know what their ccas are abt either. it was v sweet to see the classmates of my other teammates there yest.. our crowd was small, but psyched and loud. so loud with mat beats tt the delta residents complained and the police came to tell them to keep in down. haha.

anw. the score was 4-1. really shldnt have conceded tt one goal. but pau scored two goals. [one short corner, one one-on-one tt had to go in] and yumun had a power lob. the poor defender whose stick made the ball go up. woo.

watched troy with the girls aft trng today. didnt really like the show. too much killing. but i cried my eyes out when priam [?] was asking achilles for hector's body. seems like i learnt a bit more abt sm emotions tt i havent really been exposed to. well. so did all tt happened in the movie actually take place in history? or was it just a story spun by homer?

dinnered with family just now. rraa. sucks smhow. the three of us trying so damn hard to be chirpy [i ate a lot a lot] but still so ...

woo. off to dreams of the finals.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

wow. buddy made my day when he scored. frankly, i dun know him well at all, but boy can he sing.

anw the guys' match started out kinda bleak: was 0-0 at half time, after lotsa OHH shots on goal and kok umpires calls. then ruik scored this mother goal. my god. everyone says he played like a malaysian. i thought tt desmond played really2 well today! and of course chethan ran like i've never seen him done before. ian and nikhil were amazing at defence and so efficient at covering each other. all the guys played damn hard lar. and they deserved their win. to get a better picture of the game, check out shengrong's blog. totally graphic commentaries tt i will never be capable of.

so tired! tmr is our big day. i will play hard. v hard. only two more games left.. i want my last game to be the finals. see us wave the gold trophies ard man. i hope my knee holds out till then-its been a bother the past week, of all times:(


Saturday, May 08, 2004

we won jjc 10-0 today. pau scored 7 goals. wow right. carol is v sick so i got to play midfield today. its q a bit of running! but didnt play well:s watched a bit of exciting bball aft the game. sadly our bball girls are out of top 4..
then lunched with the team at food haven again. (sir told me abt this 'charitable organization' selling indian vegetarian food in the hotel nxt to peninsula plaza. shall try it one day.) then shopped in j8 with zhimin for.. underwear. she is terribly funny.

knocked out cold when i reached home. the headache is still bothering me since god-knows-when. oh dear. had dinner at chuan restaurent in purvis st [yes the third or fourth weekend in a row spent there] YUK. NEVER go there to eat. 1) the food was damn oily. 2) damn salty. 3) tasted terrible basically. 4)service was terrible. the worse meal i have had in a while.

oh yuk. smone just called my house again. i didnt want the answer the call.

q excited abt ora tmr. shit i hope prep went well. really planned to go to sch once i dropped stuff back at home.. but a stretch out on the sofa proved fatal. and arrgh dunno if its my phone or what but everyone else save ge is uncontactable today. ge was v funny over sms today:)

zonked. will reach sch early tmr! and pray tt the banner's done.. and help start the bbq booth!:) been terribly inactive in class. feeling q q bad abt it. but woah. yes i have a lot to say abt sm things/ pple. will save it for later.


Tuesday, May 04, 2004

am spozed to feel better aft running. ran with ivan [malanar?] and mjing. the furthest ive run in the past two months. v glad tt ivan asked: i would not have got my unfit self moving otherwise. yeah i skipped chem s. seems like i dunno what my priorities are. thought abt tt. ok. i will work harder and stop skipping s lessons even though it sure looks like i am gonna get ungraded anyway. and stop tiring myself out unneccessarily, or just stop using fatigue as an excuse.

i am itching like crazy! ahh stupid allergic reaction to an insect bite. again. maybe tt's why im so grouchy. beginning to get a lil worried: i seem to take ill more often these days, and am easily affected by the smallest allergens. its not like im not eating enough fruits and veg right.

i guess its hard to come to terms with the fact tt 40min will only get me as far as the waiting hall in the airport. tech allows for too-easy communication.

but hey i am v happy for all the great friends ive got:) here's to a less sleepy wednesday! sure hope to finish the ora banner in time for me to watch the boys play. and i wanna watch soccer on thurs. but heyy, braces might be coming off soon! woo;) so to dr moktongbee i go.

took the train with jas this morn. he was how tired lar. but still gentlemanly enough to offer me a seat:) took the bus along w all other tired/lazy pple. haha. thx ge, for having let me enjoy a lovely drive every morn for the past 4 mths.

ahh. needa find antihistamine pills or the itch will drive me nuts tonight! it's at night when one is free of distractions tt pain/itch/irritation is most acute.