Saturday, March 27, 2004

hmm.
what if you slept? and what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? and what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? and what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? ah, what then?

someone tell me where this comes from! i read it a long time ago and it struck. a v lovely piece of writing.

life before two weeks ago seems so surreal. the mad rushes here and there w tt overwhelming sense of helpless is almost a foreign feeling. but go further back in time, and all tt seems even more like a dream..

omg. cant blow my nose, it hurts so bad! heh guess kayaking was a major mistake, esp aft running for trng. but had fun just bumming ard w sunny and jennie in the choppy sea. we also took the slides at big splash. woah the mats were so daring! v cool to see their stunts on the slides. saw these two old men in self built floats swimming q far out in the sea. weird old men! hope they didnt encounter the jellyfish we saw!

really enjoyed myself the past two days, hanging out with old girl friends. friday aft commons and running a v breathless 8-10 rounds with lu was spent with fauziah just prattling abt everyth tt came to mind. we cut our hair, along with eleven other rj pple in pointers!and just bummed six hours away learning a bit more abt what each other thought. was especially impressed with her tales of gallantry expressed by the hwachong guys. woah! haha.

last night was lovely too.. at the glass house then the space below the escalators at plaza sing. i miss the old times. even though almost all of us are in rj now, its just so different having just us 4/12 girls together in one place. wow. it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.. it's with these pple tt i can say/do anyth i want. was rambling/whining thru dinner, but hey yun em, kai were all v kind to listen:p kenneth was the odd guy again, but ive got a much better impression of him aft last night. and guess what! ms hoo and mrs kwan came! wish tan jen fu was there with rubidium and caesium though.

met lotsa pple walking fm glass house to ps. i saw hiap lup lulu!! bet he didnt really recognise me, but when i stood outside cafe cartel with my eyes practically popping out, he v good-naturedly came out to talk to me. i guess obs instructors are used to this; woah the fact tt he got up to say hi cos he knows it wld mean smth to me is so touching.

met song as well with i cant remember his name. think it was kinda not-nice of me to just walk up and hi-bye her. but oh well.

wow. life is good.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

i like surprise phone calls even more. surprise visits/bumping into pple will beat everyth else hands down though. woo. got damn high yest before math. its good to hear mo happy again. i am so glad tt he is alive!! he apparantly almost died three days ago: heart stopped for a coupla seconds. how crazy is tt. he better not drink anymore.

i hope it wasnt because of the call tt i found the math paper so terribly traumatising. it was bad. v bad. started sweating aft the first qn. attempted and gave up many [there were only 7] qns halfway. my god. it has got to be one of the worse papers ive attempted before. unless tmr proves otherwise. choy!! arrgh. needa make full use of the nest 10 hrs ahead.

chiong!

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

woah. drowning in math. (cant imagine what physics will be like).

bio and chem were two v lion head, snake tail papers with all tt rushing at the end cos time management was bad. but phew two down!

i like surprise gifts. haha 312/412 girls shld remember funny gifts tt popped up in my bag, or in my locker, etc courtesy of jenny. [not jen-nie, yes i will clarify] dun think i ever expressed my thanks properly since i nver really had a chance to talk to her:p. so here's a thank you for the good feeling u brought with every gift. its not often, in rj, besides the angel-mortal exchange [tt is practically non existent this yr] tt presents appear just like tt. i really think we shld make an effort to this kinda stuff for our friends:) v sweet.

alright. last effort to make head or tail out of integration before making my way to sch myself. ahh ge wont be able to fetch me on friday! heh im pampered eh.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

kooit. wahaha. got fourth for swift. all thanks to huien who cuaght up 90 seconds! yes, i ran the road relay in the aftnn aft all.

had to buy shawn [yes my 2/3 yr old neighbour] a present. got invited to his bday bash. kb and maureen have been v sweet, dropping by with soups and food fm time to time and bringing shawn ard cos they know he brightens up mom's and dad's night!it wldnt have been nice if not one of us showed face today.. wanted to get him lego, cos i really think lego makes a kid brilliant. but didnt know how old he actually was:p got him two books, prolly beyond him, but hey, i wouldnt mind reading tt 'tales of winnie the pooh' myself. but aft all tt trouble to rush home before lunch, i stepped into kb's place, saw unfamiliar faces, gave the present and chabot. not too sociable today! or maybe i am just not interested in kiddos and married pple.

anw, left home too early for macR, so sat ard in j8. met the track juniors again! got asked by a few pple why i wasnt home or in the library studying. for commons. tt start day aft tmr. oh dear. it really seems like i'm playing w fire, procrastinating in everyway i can! will hafta burn the lamps out on the morns before the papers i guess. lots to catch up on. lots and lots. ahh.

i wanna be biking out there.

Friday, March 19, 2004

goodness gracious me! hoho. tt is one good show to catch! the brit sense of humour is just so.. 'crisp and acrid'. oh just watch it and u’ll know. the closing ‘mtv’ was a brilliant rendition of aqua’s song! “im a Punjabi girl, in a Punjabi wo-orld..”

yay mom's coming home tmr. just spoke to the neighbour down the corridor. she's so sweet! told me how much she missed mom. .crossed fingers. life'll be back to normal!

got a match against aj tmr. damn. ive missed ALL the test matches so far. looks like a bleak year for my ccas. but dun think i'll play tmr. went for a swim yest and peng-sanned aft fifteen min of breastroke. rraa. shiming asked me to bike on sun. i wish i could! i want a bike!! but ok, i know my limits lar. will hafta postpone my campaign till q a bit later.

oh. dying for commons. will die. more ill prepped than for lect tests. which says a lot. two days to chiong everyth. if i even sit myself down to do it. i will lar. go to sch tmr or smth. woo.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

oops. ive been worrying lotsa pple unduly with all my grouses on the blog:p hey guys no worries ok! thx lots and lots for all the concern i feel q q loved:) fuzz: im amazed tt u are still reading this despite my bad english. heh. got a msg fm mag this aftnn, aft she met lu. it sounded as if she thot i tried to kill myself.

had a lovely night out w ge. skipped the hosp this evening for a substandard but nonetheless extremely filling dinner at country manna in heartland sun plaza, where the waiters and waiteresses are most concerned abt clearing plates. then finally caught big fish. it is damn good. my favourite movie, beats love actually even.. its abt kinship in sm sense tts more sacred than romantic love. wow. i want the song by eddie vedder [lead singer of pearl jam, explains the familiar ring]: man of the hour. nice!

watched tt thai show my girl last week w mag and ivan. it appears to be a hit. but at tt pt in time we almost upped and left thru the draggy sluggish activities the kids go thru. hmm but thinking abt it, yes i must say tt there is a beauty behind the relaxed pace of the entire movie. guess i was just too jumpy tt day to sit back and take in the scenes of childhood then. or maybe i couldnt relate all tt much to tt kind of life cos my childhood was pretty different.

aft terribly oily chakueh, it's time to hit the sack! and whack physics tmr man. hoho.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

feeling wth. left hockey camp early. :(. guess tt stupid accident last week did just leave me bruised. my rib's cracked. hurts when i laugh, cough, sneeze, pant. RRRAAA. curse tt damned ts toilet step.

oh well. camp was fun.. really did have laughs.
i played horribly. every trng. feels like i still as bad as i was last yr. oh well. must reflect on WHY. and HOW i can improve. in the next month. i really want to play (well) this nats.

anw. more abt camp. and he sang 'sayonara' to us:) the guys came up w an item for 'raffles hockey idol', which i thought was fantastic too. really felt so good watching everyone have fun. haha. and the icecream the guys won, survived the treacherous journey fm ghimmoh macs with half of it leaving an ants trail behind speedy siva and meya. oh! and my buddy is fahyik who was so sweet! he actually went out to coldstorage [with desmond to buy chicken] and got me food! i hope he doesnt have to sing and dance alone tonight:p kudos to denise and billy-boy for coming up with this ingenious buddy system!

drew up with a fitness programme for the girls team. had fun doing it. heh hope it wont be met w too many groans.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

i am so tired. ive been tired. yeah guess ge and dad are even more zonked than i am. had long talk w ge last night. was nice to talk even though i was barely functioning past eleven, hope my listening ear was enough. ect sounds promising, i pray tt all will be well, and remain well! will be crossing my fingers for the nxt three years.

just had a marvellous dinner at this bakery/cafe by bakery depot at novena sq. woah. its shi-o-ku.

oh i have been high on small incidents tt happened. heh its like the only way to get thru my day feeling gd. even though if its for stupid reasons:p i realise i talk too much abt mo and this other mysterious guy. tsktsk i am j2 now, time to conc on studies as my dentist drummed into me as she poked ard my mouth denying me opportunity for rebuttal. [but she was nice lar.] yeah so enough abt gushing over superficial things. i will update with details of my progress in tuts and how i spend my time photocopying notes.

i think i will cont to lurk ard the corner to the toilet though. hoho.

oh my shoes got bloody stolen again. this time im even more peeved cos they are only 2 weeks old. the nerve of tt thief: my big name was written on the left heel for all to identify me. i hate to admit tt it is my fault for leaving my wet, smelly, but treasured, shoes ard. but thing is i trusted enough tt honesty and hygiene would keep others away fm my shoes. blah i hope whoever it was gets footrot. i'll really go for really cheap shoes now. :s this really pissed me off early in the morning!

bio s presentation tmr and i havent started! im more susceptible to coffee now, but while i am awake, my mind is practically inactive. so i shall try to thrive on the carb load [the chunks of bread with curried pumpkin for dinner and tt great rachelach or smth and woo fantastic cake.]

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

"I think a lot of what I am was actually shaped in my school days. I spent my time playing sports - almost every day of the year, sometimes two sports in a day and often until it was too dark to see the ball.

You learn to take knocks, to go in for the tackle, and to live with your scars. You rely on your teammates; you lead, you win and lose as a team. There was great camaraderie. "

--Tharman Shanmugaratnam
coincidentally, he played hockey too. besides a whole host of other sports like athletics:p and cricket, football. wow!

and i won a pair of tix to watch 'my girl' tmr night. what's tt? heh. i still wanna watch big fish!!

i miss mo:( he sounded so sad in his email. havent heard him so despondent many times. he says ohio sucks, and woah for him to say tt friends are hard to come by, it must be really trying for him! i guess he wld find it hard to find good friends there lar. but i wish he will soon, and feel less grouchy abt the cold weather-bask in the warmth of friendship! haha saw utt on oh carol: he looks better with more bulk on him! and mo's stupid grin just sticks itself in my head. heh.

was a cold cold day. nothing v eventful happened. everyday is such a blur now. it's been dull-i havent felt brilliant in a while and i am afraid tt i am frittering my j2 life away. there's so much to learn! but what am i doing blogging/ moaning abt lil aspects of life?

gp tmr. i die. honest to hell [what a funny expression.] i have no idea how to organise my thoughts/opinions/arguments if i have any to begin with. i am jeopardising my tutee's future getting her to write essays, then attempting to correct them.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

kapooted during the first game at uwc's hockey carn yest. never felt like tt before: blacked out [for a second i bet] on the pitch, then regained visual sense when the ball came by and i just had to run aft it. felt like i was going to die anytime, and trying to shout for a sub to no avail only got me hyperventilating smmore. guess it was mild heat stroke. played the other games with varying level of fitness, but it got more fun as my team began to relax aft losing the first few games. haha. nvm. we will play a lot harder come tuesday!! i must! havent been trng optimally at all the past few weeks. there's always smth wrong smwhere. but i guess tt's what trngs are for: to work ard what's not so conducive eh.

the hockey girls have been v sweet:) esp veldie, carol, jane, pearlyn, their sweet msgs do mean a lot! am also v glad for the lack of politics in our team as a whole. shiming was just complaining [a lot] abt the tension btwn the guys and girls in the canoe team. sm of the guys came down to support us yest, not to mention the siva ashraf and ivan who umpired for us. it feels really good to have bonded so much with the guys since the time at sir's place when nurie was leaving.

heading down to novena again. things are looking slightly better. i hope it continues so:)

watched a bit of touch rug at taka yest. quite fun! dunno if hyan and lu still wanna play floorball there on the 21st. [same day as spore bi] it's the day before comm tests. heh messed up the dates.

OH! bio s essay!! dont think i'll be doing it. and chem s!! again!

Friday, March 05, 2004

huh i dunno how to deal with things. guess this is the time when i really have to think for myself, and do what i think is most logical. though many things cant be explained with logic. finally told a few more pple abt how things are going on at home. it's a relief actually, being able to talk abt it even though it doesnt really help matters and trying not to crack up when i talk to sm pple is q hard. but yeah, today wasnt too bad.

got a2 for jap ao's. guess an a1 would have made my day. but hey, im content:p i hope the rest who didnt do too well lighten up!! there's always jlpt. heh. and i passed level 2!

mr chan is really a v motivated teacher i must say. had a few laughs during bio s today. but smhow i still dun think tt im gaining much fm it. needa do a 4-6 pg essay!

it was v nice seeing the j3s today. i miss the presence of older friends who seemed to have more sense than me, and more experience tt they would share with us. of course tt are crazy pple tt behave more childishly:p but cant deny the fact tt they were aft all my j2s, and made j1 life a lot fuller for me. in particular, certain indivs. some of whom i'm still in contact with, but others, sadly are kinda out of reach now. but memories are lovely:) and im sure if given the opportunity to sit down and talk, if we allow ourselves to be a lil more shuang3 kuai4, there'll be lots to catch up on.

talked to bean abt another problem tt was bugging me. i know it takes two to clap [oh yet another cliche. ...'tether'. haha alfie has been damn high lately!] but i guess i cant really bring myself to be bothered anymore. not now at least lar. will enjoy sch life. other friends are proving to be a great source of comfort. thank u. [but times like this, i really miss mo! haha. maybe cos i just dreamt of him springing yet another surprise visit lar;p]

Monday, March 01, 2004

this friggin headache is getting on my nerves. i just cant understand. ive been pleading for her to explain her thoughts and feelings to me. but she just keeps saying she doesnt know. we try so hard to bring her out, involve her in various activities but she just wont drag herself up to do them with us, for us. it hurts most tt she used to jump at doing these things.

i feel so helpless and it's only worse still tt ge tells me honestly now tt he is helpless. he is the one i turn to to solve all problems! how now. arrgh. immense frust. ge's on call tonight, so its up to dad and i to live it thru the noght ourselves. i love dad for all his goodness i really wish i cld i share the burden with him. i tried to explain the shocking realisation of being helpless-i guess ive been more or less been in control all this while huh. and he told me a depressing fact: tt more and more, as i grow older, i will experience helplessness more. never!! its such a shit feeling.

been trying to get it thru to her tt she shld focus on other matters. i will live by my own words and get tt physics into my head. no pt worrying abt smth when the worrying wont help matters eh.

:(