Wednesday, December 31, 2003

As human beings we fall in love a lot. A lot of us get hurt, some feel used, while even more hold on to pieces of unrequited love, hoping to piece them together into some semblance of a relationship. Even an imaginary relationship seems better that what real life offers us at times. The months become years and we give up looking for “the one” and conclude that his or her existence is an adolescent fable. A Santa Clause for young adults.

So instead of looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, some of you settle for Mr. or Ms. Right-here. Others pack their hearts in little styrofoam-padded boxes and keep them in their storerooms, never to risk being broken again. Once in a while someone intriging comes by and the question arises once more.


We often fall in love with the moment. A glimpse is all it takes for our hearts to pulsate erratically. A friend who dresses up for her prom may stir the currents of the heart in newfound ways. Or a stranger comforting you from your latest break up may end up being the Dennis Rodman of your heart. In the moment we make promises spanning lifetimes and eternities - it would seem that the overflowing richness of the moment were sufficient for as far as the mind can fathom.

The moment drags on and becomes a minute. The minutes grow into hours and we find the strength of our words disappearing into the silent vacuum of time. Questions arise as emotions fade. We no longer know what we knew but a moment ago.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

woah. finally caught love actually. even weili said tt it was gd. was v touched by some pple in the show.. esp the guy who organised the wedding for his black friend and his v v pretty girl [wow. i will burst w happiness if i ever have this kind of wedding!] the cards he flashed were so so sweet. felt goofy to have teared then but omg, this kind of guy deserves a hug! was v affected by the airport scenes towards the end as well. so goofy. but well it was a nice show i guess tho a just lil scrappy sm parts.

hmm. stuffed fm a v gd dinner. and mom had to have those hazelnut cookies out:p cant believe tt i was actually feeling so shit during midday. was combing city hall area for med fac i souvenirs. damn tiring. shiming and i were zombies, hungry [literally as well] to kill anyone who offended us in the slightest bit. was sleepy, aching, headachy, pissed, all the works lar. we took almost an hr getting fm suntec to orchard cos we were too lazy to walk to the mrt station. anw $150 for 400 pple is a kinda tight budget, to put it nicely, esp since most of us arent keen on making handicraft since we erm cant. but i guess however much we put in, most of the souvenirs will be junked anw.

really zonked now. was bushed fm the jog/swim this morn tho it wasnt much. but for a moment there, i thot i felt the danger of running when down w the flu. [choy] mag's still out karaoking with prolly ivan [!] guess i wont get a chance to do tt any time soon. i love this cd btw:

cant wait for fri since tmr and thurs will be kinda sluggish at home. woo. meeting lu first thing on friday morn! hope i dun burn out on first day of sch.

Monday, December 29, 2003

stuffed. since the 'snowball' at big o.

had a brilliant day aft all, despite not having trng nor friendlies. was actually a lil constructive. its onto love actually tmr! [erm aft faction workday of course] it was really funny how we cldnt get tix today. but at least we got gd seats for tmr. high expectations!

Sunday, December 28, 2003

had fun at class party. considering my grogginess, i learnt how to play bridge pretty well. didnt mess up like weili. haha. it was v funny. his dog is huge. but cute. but sadly, not the v affectionate kind tt licks u upside down.

tummy ache now. prolly the overload. ate smmore just a while ago.

left weili's house earliest as expected. didnt even get to see what the rest got fm bean and sang. i like my present a lot! this ELMO! in a potato sack. but my elmo seems to have run out of batt:s like me.

hell. just found out tt tmr's hockey carn is off. was looking forward to playing a game in the aftnn cos i prolly really would die if i go for x trng in the morn. dunno but sure seems like the team's been kinda slack ever since seasons ended. and tt was a sure long time ago. but im just seeing everyth in bad light now tt im grumpy lar. but wth still the same.

so to sleep i go now. if no stuffed nose, its off to pandan reservoir. ppl still in weili's place? hai. i wanna be ard friends even if im just dozing off. i miss the closeness of obs and stuff like tt.

Saturday, December 27, 2003

how do u get up to the smell of waffles and other goodies baking feeling grumpy?

was hard at work grating almost 1kg of carrots at 7 this morn. its how tiring! ive said it before, but i'll say it again: i respect my mom for churning out all tt food! all the time! had a gd time w mom just now..

i forgot the oil in my carrot cake till my mom spotted the cup. i hope a layer of oil doesnt form!! and my cookies. i hope they are not too hard. damn. so many worries. but fun!

haha talking to an old friend tt i'd given up as lost. Happy, sort of.

sya said this on her blog: "that reminded me of obs where even if you hurt, you just shut up and bear with the pain. there's always someone hurting more than you. so don't make a big deal, ever."

had a great day! gandhi was damn fun. EVERYONE turned up save syifaa. even raihan rushed down aft his match:) felt so so gd!

laughed lots, talked lots, esp w 'my end of the table. talked a lot to raihan, esp in the cab back to woodlands. really glad tt our friendship's still as strong as ever. (erm bad phrasing.) really grateful for him to have left gandhi [playing terence's rendition of choo's crazy tititi game] early and sharing the traumatising cab ride home and trying to keep my mind off dad, telling me abt the ghost stories of his kampung and all. it was also talking to him abt relationships. he added a new dimension to things. he is how decent! haha. really hope he achieves his dreams of becoming a physiotherapist. he will! and he will fly one day too! he's the kind of guy tt deserves what he wants. i know i sound like im painting a lovely picture of him, but for all the 'bapok's and 'idiot's and whatnot i call him, he's one heck of a guy.

im perplexed. my relationship w my parents really isnt heading anywhere positive despite my 'claims' to make an effort. hai.

having a very depressed friend online now. hope things work out man! it just sucks to feel the way he feels, tho i havent felt tt b4, but hey, like i told mo a while ago, its -just a phase we are meant to go thru- lar. and it will only make us stronger!

v stuffed nose. panadol 'c ' isnt helping much. long day tmr. hell. dad will be pissed again. i will enjoy myself as much as i can. will be baking for the class!! haha. i hope they appreciate it:p hmm hoping to churn out a carrot cake [the angmoh kind, not chakueh] and ginger nut cookies-always thot tt this sounded xmasy.

running late for gandhi. running a temp. feeling q q woozy. but like cheryl [kong] said, 'wild horses wldnt keep me away'. wld be nice to see the gandhi pple outside of obs. cant believe tt it's been a mth since we first met.

oh met huiying just now! at woodlands. and coincidentally, terence and raihan were both at causeway pt too.

trng today was damn shi-o-ku, as mag wld pronounce it. very glad tt sir popped by. trng's always more complete with him ard. watching him execute the moves, hockey becomes a dance. hear the 'tuk's of the ball when the sweet spot is found during the hits, and hockey is music. i only wish tt i cld one day blend into the motion, without sir shouting out his choreographing, but find my own steps. of course i wldnt dare dream of having a solo moment to myself. heh.

Friday, December 26, 2003

shitty day.
lunched at dingtaitang at paragon. food there is bad. chewy and fatty xiaolongbaos.
then had uncle lao send me to sch. [got a bad headache both times in the car] was sullen the whole morn tho i tried hard!

i got to see terence and melvin jam. damn cool! tt made me feel a lot better. but there was this general grumpy aura ard me i guess. too tired even to meet a friend aft leaving sch today.

ran. got winded damn fast. wanted to do fartleg thinking it was easier than whacking 8km on the track. 5 200m later i was wheezing, so cut down to 100m. then i just gave up. arrgh. why am i whining abt this.

hoping for a gd trng tmr. my lack of haemoglobin better not show tmr! then its love actually! then gandhi gathering. sounds like a potential gd day.

wanna beat smth up. not cos its boxing day. why is it called boxing day anw.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

woah. stuffed with steamboat. and all the cakes/pastries from all over!
1) mom's dundee cake
2) $80 haagen daaz log cake
3) swiss roll fm aiksong
4) malacca stuff fm neighbour k.b.
5) fruit cake fm neighbour francesca
6) murukku fm neighbour
7) cheesecake fm nydc
8) cheesecake made by olive! (hope ge doesnt scream when he finds out how much i have divulged.)
and prolly more stuff i left out.

smhow its more xmasy this yr.. maybe cos i'm at home. but no presents! haha. but since i didnt prep many, i hope i dun get lest i get guilt pangs. but sitting ard, just talking to everyone who pops by feels pretty gd i guess. skipped yunlei's party tts going on now, but really too shagged to travel all the way lar.

heh i'm looking forward to starting sch.

but i need to get hmwk fm somebody! soon!

new yr's coming.. kinda feeling sad tt this yr zoomed by so fast. so many friends made. but a few lost too. but part and parcel of life eh. cherish the memories, hold on to the friends now. kinda disappted with my own achievements, if any.. just a lil bit on the humdrum side of existance smtimes eh. got my happening moments of course, which i certainly will remember with a huge grin. but if i'm gonna be material, and all 'certificate-oriented-in-a-sense', i didnt do much did i. but hell. here's to a new yr. woo.


Wednesday, December 24, 2003


long time since i spent xmas eve in spore. i had a whale of a time last night/this morn! with mag and hongyi/ivan. great great company. laughed lots. havent been so crazy in a while.

went to mag's church where unholy ivan and i sat on the benches as mag prayed, sang and collected bread. [i wont forget ivan's remark abt taking mag's sister's choc "cos they got bread to eat, we dun have". he is absolutely hilarious!]

then went mag's house for tt diva to change and then hit town aft midnight. damn fun messing each others' hair [and pulling pants] along the way at city hall. explored chijmes and st andrews' cathedral-brought lil boy ivan ard town! then ivan and i caught lotr again cos mag hadnt watched it. and tt goon, she was the only one of us who fell asleep!

then we toured chinatown looking for dimsum [and milo] for ivan. and just talked nonstop.

hmm. it was just v fun. oh pushed mag into the 'pond' outside esplanade. mwaha. damn funny! then she had to change out into ivan's shirt and my shorts at fullerton.

dun feel like talking abt thailand jsut yet. merry xmas.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

an enjoyable lunch at crystaljadelamianxiaolongbao [i like saying all this in one short breath] with otoosan and okaasan. stuffed.

off to turkish airways. heh. all other flights booked. it wld be interesting. i hope they serve apple tea:p

oh my phone is repaired! but the person at the counter was ominous.

Friday, December 19, 2003

the thought of giving up crosses my mind more often with each time i repeat a certain challenging activity. i havent yet succumbed to stopping during trngs. but i know myself. i think i will soon. i need a drug tt stimulates my brain to think tt the ache in my ribcage is actually a nice comfy massage.

im just rambling to myself in my head. no im not schizo. lotsa thoughts.

of guardian angels.
my brother always has had a senior popping out of virtually no where, guiding him along. in hc, leading on to med sch, there was this nice senior whom my brother never knew back in sec sch. in the hosp now, this doc who even offered guidance to me shld i be interested in medicine, and maybe one or two more kindred souls. well i dun think i ever hada senior i coudl count on for advice.. always had to turn to my brother. maybe cos i never seeked advice elsewhere. but then again, my bro's guardian angels really just pounce on him. maybe my brother is enough:) i love listening to him patiently explain certain medical conditions in laymen terms. explain the intricacies behind sm happening phenomena. explain abt life. and love. heh.

i havent been anyone's guiding light either i think. maybe when i was a psl/prefect i got to be in contact with a lot more juniors than the other pple. 1/14!and it was nice having them write me notes all the time, smtimes they are happy then i'll feel happy too, smtimes they have problems, and usu all the need is a lil advice fm my perspective and suddenly they are happy again. woo. i was just reading all the letters i got in rgs. more than one shoebox full. v bittersweet remembering those times. cos im no longer in contact with those who once shared their deep thoughts with me.. maybe i'll get to be their senior again in the future. well.

i still cant find smone i can talk to abt ANYth. and EVERYth now. maybe mag. but she's busy with her own life too lar. hmm. i dun think tt i need a bf. seriously. but a gd friend will be so welcome.

i just saw a lot of lil kiddies in their [i think] childcare center uniforms having a shopping trip with their teachers. so cute! all of them clutching each others hands, skipping along in causeway pt. well i never did hold anyone's hand in kindergarten or prisch as far as i remember. i remember holding one end of an eraser while my parter gingerly held the other. so childish! haha. so maybe tt's why holding hands is so 'special' to me. first time emily met mo, she msged to tell me tt he has nice hands. he does! haha. em has kteristic hands too!

i havent packed for thailand. but inertia has gotten the better of me. so i'll just keep pounding on the keyboard for now.

i miss sch. i miss sitting with the class and just crapping and laughing lots. i miss the lil walks i had with em while we just.. yes just crap. share snippets of our life, etc. heh. and the exam runs with mag!

brilliance. i was just taught to see things in a different light.
lost the bloody receipt for my bloody wet phone. [mom put it under sm book] well when she announced tt she found it i sorta pounced on her for putting it there in the first place. but uncle said come kiss mom. [erm my family doesnt kiss/hug save this uncle. he's my favourite relative besides my bro. he's cool! he plays the guitar really well. he's really really funny and brings me our to eat exotic stuff:p] well i feel guilty now. but woah the relief.

today started gd. but im down in the dumps now.

tmr better be gd.

ive gotta get mo a xmas present. headache.

and im so full now. cant help it since i was hungry b4 dinner started so had erm more than sm light bites. then aft a huge dinner with another aunt and uncle, fave uncle comes by with more food. and he was disappted tt it was q untouched .. initially. heh. new yr resolution: dun eat when i'm not hungry.

wah. horrors. my knee is creaking noticeably loud now. possible reasons:
1) my new shoes. woo! the most beautiful pair of asics in the mkt [ok, according to me. and joyce. and the track guys besides weeping.] its the gel dunnowhat racer vi. guys model. nice and blue and net like. oh dear. last count, i have 6 pairs of running shoes, two almost in mint condition though the one i wear to trng is despised by mr quek. anw the new shoes. guess i shld have been less vain and bought better cushioned albeit heavier shoes to train in. and they'll prolly last longer too. oh and maybe half a size smaller would be gd too. my feet look huge now:s

2) the a lot of jogging/walking. did 8km in 40min. well i learnt tt i am on the steep slope of the improvement bell-curve. but i dun think so.. cos of the long jogs i used to do. but i'll try to shave of 1 min again the nxt trng lar. rushed to sch for flrball fm macritchie but there were no other girls playing! played one game and strained my hamstring a lil. i guess i was just too lazy to play smmore as well (:s) then roamed town today for xmas gifts for okaasan/otoosan. saw this kinda cute coffee-set. but i spent too much $ on myself b4 tt :p so i was short of 50c to buy tt. oh well.

oh oh terribly impressed w mom today. i got home to -great- smells. she finished baking one fruit cake, a mountain of hazelnut cookies and steamed a hk carrot cake [like crystal jade's] AFT going out to do smth. wow.

horrors. gotta get into a frenzy of unloading my other bed now cos grandma's coming over to stay.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

well. salvation army comserve is meaningless. nver again! 5 hrs crawled by painfully. even with the company of and conversation with candice. we cld have just got the kettle bolted to the grd and a paopaocha shaking machine to ring the damn bell for the whole day. i was tt machine today. a machine tt gets a splitting headache aft more than half hour of incessant high pitched ringing in my ears.

the few familiar faces were extremely comforting though. first one who came by to donate 20c was ivan. the vballer. it was nice to have him come up and say hi tho we barely talked b4. yeah then q a few other pple. most significant: ms jo chang! it was so easy to get a conversation running full steam with her. it is like she nver broke contact with me. it is cool how she taught mo as well, so she knows more abt me/us in tt sense. she was one of a few who warned me early abt mo leaving and all.. guess she confirmed her suspicions abt me being "practical". haha and it was v funny how both of us kept jibing him in a harmless way of course:p she filled me in on other pple like mrs karen wong in acpri [oh she must be enjoying herself dealing out her crabby punishments!] and ms cleo chan with her education center and baby girl! and ms aileen tan in acjs, hod of english. i always admired her diction.

seeing russ just shortly aft jochang left really stabbed me suddenly: i see all these pple who are related to mo. but he just wont ever pop up in frnt of me like tt u know. [or maybe he will! haha. like on teachers' day. tt clown is so full of antics]

oh! okaasan is back in spore! gonna meet her and otoosan this sat. bring them go eat lamian lar. funny thing is i sent xmas card to sapporo, but fumika is in tokyo, going hokkaido with asuka and okaasan just came over and otoosan's been in spore. shld ask fumika to send me a hat fm japan:p

i am so proud of the Houseman Of The Year, my bro! :)

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

well. batch proj meeting on tues was fun. really. had a fun discussion with shengxiang! emily! zhimin, zhiying? weili and this guy i still dunno. hope our brain child materialises.
yest was a long day. only got home at almost 2 am. went to buy xmas present for mom. tt 3-in-1 machine. cant wait for her to work the waffle part. met an UGLY sporean young taitai who blew her top at the poor already-stressed out gift wrappers. [noun. human who wraps presents.] i wanted to snap at the woman who thinks she has a hold over everyone just cos she bought some branded kids' apparel. the classic goon of a taitai. and her submissive husband. gosh. -wags head- the flaunting of wealth [when she didnt even buy v exquitsite things] just makes me nauseous.

well took a v long time getting fm red house busstop to sch cos of the cumbersome machine. i am weak lar. was just wishing for sm hunk to pop by and let my lactic acid flow. but tt didnt materialize. as expected.

had x trng.. hit ard a bit before tt. but i simply could get the sweet spot. darn. well for log's sake: did fartleg [haha how to spell tt?!]
300m x 10. 75s. but i took a break at the 8th:s no repeats!

dinner at chachacha's. yum. had dessert there on tues aft swimming at ghimmoh before batch proj. its a nice place. too bad u reek of food when u come out. though i managed to get maybe a lil sweet smelling aft i sprinkled icing sugar fm my empanada all over my skirt.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

before i forget:
trng log:

turf city girls' route 4km:
lap 1: 20.11min
lap 2: 20.00 min

credits to manda and mr ho [on his bike]

Thursday, December 11, 2003

comment allez vous?

tres bien! (-how to pronounce? let me find out and bean's cousins will find me with a new catch phrase! heh.)

back fm x trng. committing heinous sin. eating/drinking peanut butter again, aft my third breakfast at macs with manda [shes really compassionate!] and joyce, and my many sandwiches.

nxt trng on mon at turf city is at 4pm. only girls. commonwealth and the guys are trng at 8. cos.. we girls dun tuck in our shirts; we are bad influence. kinda what right.. mr quek is v friendly, concerned, motivating etc.. but like manda says: his words/actions are v scripted. like the separate trngs just so the younger kids dun get affected by our slipshod attitude-he would rather spend an extra 2-3 hrs with just us! ok but his actions has its effects.. im feeling so paiseh.

anw. did 8 km today. mr ho ran the return leg with me. v motivating. it was just nice to feel smone beside u running ur pace, trying to get u to speed up.. its touching cos he can easily go much faster but he stuck at my pace:) 41min. will try to hit 40min or maintain but push for the +1km nxt time. hope i dun ache for hockey tmr! cant wait:)

mag's off to thailand today. kid tng mak mak na! heh. she has such an exciting life. ok she meets exciting pple lar. and she is exciting lar. haha.

off for a snooze.

oh. mom told told me this morn tt dad's pissed with me. i guess i dun understand my parents v well.

just watched the love me if you dare french show. its good! i wonder if sophie and julien buried themselves or they lived till they were old. i much rather the sweet old man-old woman scenario.

lulu and co are off to aust. woah! they're gonna have fun man. i remember hist trip in sec 2.. my first trip overseas w friends, without mom and dad! the bunch of pple i was with.. kinda lost contact already eh:( tho i met crys and aman in the theater today. its always a diff exp doing things with ur friends instead of ur family. i think i am more tolerant with my friends than my family. terrible.


Wednesday, December 10, 2003

well well had a pretty ok day tho metro cip really really sucked.

swam in the morn-chionged with this other crazy guy who flipped aft 20 laps. i almost flipped too, when i tried my hand at freestyle. i really must go and learn it proper.

then was at tampines just on time. "where is [my] sense of urgency?!" (haha) tampines mall looked funky. but like all other shopping centres ard, it proved disappting.. i only ate a LOT during the lunch break. nothing eventful:(

but then i went off early for x trng. it was honestly q slack: 200m x10. i did 18 in the end.. but didnt push for each run until the end, then i started wheezing more than usu. yeah! i will push further on friday. i want to run in x country meet nxt yr and come in better than 50%. heh. i will try and see how lar huh. no stress. and i cant wait to get my first pair of asics shoes! 40% discount:)

had a v nice talk w wanlin abt obs on the way home.. i still havent recovered. but i will la..

woah woah how could i forget: i came here to talk abt the great food i just had: indian neighbour gita made sm tapioca dessert. shiok man! sweet but v warm and thick w gula melaka. warmed me all the way down to my cold soaked toes. and dad bought nian2gao1 fried with yam and sweet potato! i wonder if its all the way fm last cny!:s but woah yum its one of my must-have cny foods. ahh sugar lvl just soared. and mom made excellent stewed chicken. i must really learn to cook smth decent by end of this hols! even mo can cook great -thaistyle- fried rice. i think i can too. just tt i havent tried.. ive been spoilt rotten by mom man:p

wah lao. i just found out fm mr lim how much tt 'kiwi coach' is paid. its how unfair! hockey wld do v well with half the funding sm other cca gets!!

hyper!! woo. must be the sugar. but smth seems to be lacking..

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

went to look at east coast today.. i still cant help but think tt it will be disastrous having 'palawan' there. conned the bike guy to give me five hrs worth of biking for the price of two;p

i hate my legs. all the bites are -really- gross! they look like the legs of unfortunate souls who get bitten/ scratches and then scarred [for life:(] eek.

got metro at -tampines- tmr. b4 tt got x i think. but huien's prolly back in ipoh now and i dun have any other x-ers contact! save weehian.

off to shower off the sun. and if only, the bites as well.

Monday, December 08, 2003

i still have tt floaty feeling tho its been three days since i last sat in a boat.

jibunde orchardroad wo sanposhita. chyotto tsumaranakatta ga, daretodemo hanashitakunakattan desu. nazedesuka? watashi mo hakkiri wakaranai. hen ne:(

off to change out and drag myself out again.

mukamuka desu.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

collapsing in frnt of the comp. just back fm mel's place-hockey gathering. kinda fun but was too spaced out to do much. i cabbed again. oh dear i better stop cabbing.

had jlpt. i just spaced out and practically gave up during the compre. it was torturing having to read so much so quickly. and i cldnt see the answers of the girl nxt to me :s heh.

zonked. off to shower

v stuffed

Saturday, December 06, 2003

withdrawal symptoms. sleepy and floating still. cldnt sleep much with the bites itching like hell and 'an aching in my heart' [whats the song?!!]

met kailun and lulu. kailun was too much!! left just like that.

i didnt study for jlpt. $30 gonna be blasted like tt. but tired lar.

shall shower, pray for the itch to ease. and sleep.
looking forward to hockey gathering:)

Friday, December 05, 2003

erm im back. overwhelmed by nine days of obs. suffering fm withdrawal symptoms now. i must document what happened. though i have too many feelings tt can ever be penned down, starting fm day one till the 9 km run on the last day which actually only ended at nine when a bunch of 904 pple were done with a smashing dinner all the way in bkt timah at al-azhar.

pple who were there:
tab, [gandhi] sexybimbo.
huiying,[gandhi] my wdp friend! v touched when she thanked me during the last circle for being there when she cried. [i cried b4 tt and sya was there for me. thx lots to tt chilli padi-she made a difference in my course!!]
mag [dhana]
ivan/hongyi, [dhana] my pri one chi classmate! 'pain-in-the-ass'. he is damn damn nice! funny guy with a hilarious laugh. he is damn cute! shuai-dai le. really. lucky mag:p
ivan, our rj guy. got to talk to him a lil at last.
ahmat [dhana]
terence, [gandhi] he impressed a lot. he's my watch!
siva [engsoon] still havent talked much w him
ben [engsoon]
yeah we talked lots. was damn hyper though everyone really needed slp.

anw. i'll start w the last day: 9 km run. 52.4min. i was very motivated by the rj guys in frnt: when they turned at the halfway mark and met me along the way, they all cheered me on so sincerely! the mat clapping to spur the rest on aft they/we were done washed over the campus and sounded damn gd!

everynight i have been sleeping damn little. 3/4 hrs? cos gandhi has been consistently late for everyth all nine days. and i'll stay up chionging things like filling water, or just talking. like the night just b4 sea x, huiying martin and i stayed up and i slept only one hr.

oh shit. jlpt tmr.