Tuesday, November 25, 2003

trng at 540 in sch later. crazy.

nine days of confinement starts tmr!! cant wait!!

swatch song:

smth abt u (five for fighting)

Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that

Monday, November 24, 2003

while we marionettes dance, who is yanking our strings?

-salman rushdie (fury)

the world should put up with me smtimes. just as i put up with it all the time.

its barely 6 am and i'm thru. i'm done reading the straits times. and done msging my malay friends. bored! only mo's online at this hour. and hes prolly napping beside the comp or smth.

got woken up at abt 5 by nikhil gautaum(?)'s sms. tt nepalese tiger's off home! wow. i made him promise to help me buy smth. so in turn i wil hafta rack my brains for smth exciting off the streets of thailand for him. i wonder what he wld like. or i cld ask [v nicely] lulu to help get a slab of fudge for him. i rem sm of our og-ioca!!- sitting down at the bamboo gardens one day savouring kahlua dream. i will wear my blue/yellow laces for as long as they last to honour the fun we had. pple like ivan, nikhil, ben are the few og guys i am still in rather gd contact w. what happened to raihan and his plane rides? but hey i know i cant complain: it takes two to click. and im sure we are all friends lar. despite failed og revivals:p

sudden melancholy. maybe its the silence. just the murmurings of the main road sm dist away reminds me tt other pple are also v alive and awake. (when the air is still, i can even hear the mrt trains tearing down the tracks. like now. the 613 train towards marina bay.)

was hungry thinking abt auntie's food on the train ride home. feel so paiseh tt uncle and haikel [how do u spell his name?!] got wet. my green-pao was sopping wet.. imagine how soaked the two of them were! but rain or shine, i know i have absolutely sedap makanan every hari raya. sheila: learn how to cook fm ur mama!:) i will then learn fm u.

well i covered 7km today. [33min] quite happy with myself. didnt know tt i was only [ok not only] 1 km short of what the rest of the girls covered. but the guys covered 16km?! wow. hmm the track i ran on reminded me lots abt ubin. the wild boar, etc so was distracting myself during the run with visions of yest.

peter fractured his wrist!! biking. poor thing.

met mag before trng today. walked to army mkt. funky.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

yest.. fun? i laughed lots esp when weili was stuck in mud. dunno if he was peeved. but it WAS funny.

well trng later. damn i dun feel like moving today. but i will. cos joyce will be there. and i promised mr ho to try. most of all of course, i will tell myself i want to be a chiongster. at least i have a lovelylovely dinner aft tt!! auntie's food rocks. hope sheila and family have a happy hari raya. i feel bad for forgetting how atuk looks.

ge's off to hk. have fun brother! i really dun feel sore. then again i dun even really feel like going to thailand. what's with me!

Saturday, November 22, 2003

woah. i am glad i went out today aft all lar. fun! i even watched rugby:)

busking wasnt as energy packed as i expected but i was surprised by the turnout. it would have been nice to just sit out at nights not worrying abt mum and dad getting pissed/worried.

ubin tmr!

Friday, November 21, 2003

zonked fm trng. dunno why but my energy was suddenly sapped when we were doing the passes. esp the last hour fm 12 to 1pm, i was getting snappy, luckilyi didnt hafta talk to anyone then. aft tt i was just too parched to make conversation. hope i am not tired fm last night. heh. i must get fit!!

came home to get my phone.
hmm i hope i havent become the typical it era teen: needing phone. then compulsively coming online to blog whatever happened even tho things wouldnt change if i hadnt blogged. would my memory deteriote cos of this? : since i will see no need to rem what happened. i remember [haha] tt i used to write lil notes when smth big happened. the first one i wrote was when i just came back fm sji games day. haha. wow. amazing how sm pple impact ur lives eh;p

anw. i must learn more abt rugby. felt gd to see the guys enjoying themselves today, getting into the rugby mood by playing touch. while us girls slacked. so proud of our guys: all damn fit, gd at everyth! nicest guys in ri lar:)

better siam out of the house before it rains! but im how sleepy!

bro asked me last night why i was so 'chiong' and 'xiao on' prolly refering to x trng and hockey and stuffs like tt. oh well. i need things to occupy myself right.

onto ubin tmr.
i asked xq along. i hope he will cheer up!!
if only mjing would feel comfy with us. she needs a day out too man. then again.. the sun:s hope she felt a lil better w my present. haha. weili will probably agree tt i destroyed it by my attempts at sewing her initials on it.

woo! aft the oddly pessimistic post this morn, i'm glad to say tt i had a gd day out. i will do more of this in future: head down to sm comfy coffee joint and read. take in the fragrance of coffee. tt stuff smells better than it tastes.

then watched funny french film 'fanfan smth' with weili. haha crappy but funny! i must watch love actually! hugh grant! haha.

trng was inspirational. i doubt i can go 12km at one shot like huien and the guys and mr ho did today. woah 12km. but i will try:) 6 km today.. maybe a yr fm now, i'll go downto macR with sm other motivated idiot and finish tt 12 km in one shot. i await tt day impatiently. then i can impress my bro smmore:p

hockey! woo. i must dream abt how to hit tonight. show sir tt his hours of effort on me isnt wasted.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

up early again. with tt puffy eyes, swollen nose feeling. but not slpy and teeth are hurting too bad for me to do anyth [ie eat]. hmm shall head down to town sit down smwhere nice and read my 'money' book. zepeng promised tt it would be nice but halfway into the book, it is still shit to me.

dun think i be meeting up with p. will be kinda weird and im not in the mood to sit down and socialise. also, tmr night.. dunno if we are stating at weili's place; response seems bad. but i hope so. i hate having to conseider so many things before i jump at going out with smone. but i think i have learnt my lesson. heh.

ahh! x trng starts today. i dunno why i said i would try. but its gd tt i am trying right. give everyth a shot :)

wth. cant change the font, colour etc. so much for learning html back in comp club of nyps:p

albeit aestatically unappealing, this shall be where i rant without feeling guilty/weird for hogging the class blog.

yeah was insomniac last night; lotsa thots, more pessimisitic than ive been in q a while. i need to talk it out. explains why i called hk just now but even if my phone hadnt died its customary dramamama death, i think i would have just laughed off the phonecall and claimed it was a song4xing2 call.

hmm i celebrate the invention of the phone. and the hphone of course. but i have v mixed feelings abt the latter at the moment. just yesterday alone i was happily skipping to sch cos i got a treasured call fm the us. then later at night i was so tired i wanted to throw my phone out of the mrt doors just so i could retreat to my shell in woodlands and be a hermit, if just for tt night. [sorry to my angmoh friend whom i have almost totally ignored these couple of days just cos i didnt feel like talking. but its kinda weird how i can have obligations to an almost complete stranger who seems to wanna talk but still keeps a cool distance. arrgh. cant explain properly.]

erm ok. abt the aftnoon phonecall. i guess mo was feeling lonesome. he really needs a gf to channel all tt love tt he finds in his heart lar. but i was really touched when he called. hey think abt it: everytime smone calls/msgs u, he/she has been thinking abt u! and smtimes although smone might be thinking abt u, he/she doesnt necessarily call/msg. so feel cared for ok. anw. back to tt conversation. it is kinda weird and -sad- how nowadays mo and i dun say many things tt carry weight.. like we talk abt how he has lost his abs [but he still has two of the six pac left!;p] and how i will fail my jap and aiyah just the most 'non-commital' [a new word i learnt fm zepeng this morn when i was also feeling out of sorts] comments. i wanted to get him to tell me his worries but he just kept trying to be happy. BUT it was kinda obvious, even over the phone, tt he has changed. to become more subdued. which is so.. sad! [want of better words] i guess i myself must have sounded like a complete toot repeating myself and making the most superficial comments. but there just isnt anyth else to say is there? i wanna know abt his life in ohio. but it seems like theres just studies, weekly clubbing, daily tennis. and life on my side? just sch. trng. eh what else? oh and me getting myself worked up cos i have nothing better to do than think and grovel. but of course he doesnt know tt.

abt groveling. mjing and i had a rather serious discussion last night.. tt poor girl is kinda lost abt what to do abt her relationship. but one thing we agreed on was tt there is just no pt groveling and thinking abt what could have been once we have gone past a particular stage. not just abt exam marks, but cca achievements, interpersonal relationships, and other things tt make us feel gd if it was obtained. it hurt to see her feel bad lar. and i guess she doesnt have anyone else to talk to abt this too. we both said tt as we get older, friendships are still easy to make, but they become so much harder to maintain. because of our other committments? but these committments require the involvement of our friends no? so wth is happening. too many friends will keep u too busy with their problems, no doubt. but now tt i wanna just complain [abt my self-inflicted troubles] i realise tt i have to use this [blog]avenue.

friendships are a waste of time? seems like some of them were. i mean i put in a lot of emotion/effort into some friendship and definitely sm friends no longer have the same status as they had before. but for these friends, i feel tt the time spent was worth it cos now everytime i think abt them i get this nice fuzzy feeling even if a wrenching feeling accompanies tt. but sm pple. i just think wth. why th did we even begin to get close? arrgh. hurts to think tt 'oh i thot u looked interesting so i talked to u but now my interest has abated so there' is a mentality sm pple might have. hmm what is the recipe for close friends like mag, em, fauziah, mjing, who may disappear for even long periods of time, but later just fit in so nicely again? heh. i will just keep expting lar.

well my second attempt at creating a blog. deleted my first one this morn. let me check out how it looks like first..